I work for myself and there is not any money coming in, so I filled out the unemployment form online. I have not collected unemployment since I was 16 and worked at Sears.
Basically you don’t have to fill out much on the forms, yet you do. They want a resume and things like that even though they know this is temporary and caused by the caronavirus. You are also asked to job search.
So I filled in all the necessary stuff. Keep in mind I am a cartoonist and marketer, I’ve been in the printing and marketing business most of my adult life. Of course my goal now is to cartoon full time, but that’s another story.
Anyway, I received job offers. Here is one:
It’s for a full time VP Technical Management position. The job requires:
1) Manage a growing fleet of over 240 aircraft, and analyze fleet activity to ensure that fleets are being utilized appropriately.
2) Predict the operational lifespan of aircraft components to know when a specific component of an aircraft is about to deteriorate and/or enter into failure mode before the operator does.
3) Maintain Maintenance Reserve and End-of-Lease cash flow predictions.
4) Automate any/all processes by employing Machine Learning/Artificial Intelligence/Natural Language Processing where possible.
5) Up to 10% Travel Required.
There are actually 30 things on the list.
First off, if this is how planes are being managed these days, I don’t think anyone should feel comfortable flying. The good part about this job is that I would only have to travel 10% of the time, on the unsafe fleet that I would manage.
And to manage the end-of-lease cash flow predictions? If I could manage money, I wouldn’t be applying for unemployment.
I wonder how many people get jobs like this that are not qualified. You know, fake it till you make it, only you never make it and are always faking it.
I had this friend named Morton, he was afraid of his own shadow — always afraid of getting new jobs, trying new things. I told him that most people don’t have a clue what they are doing — they just show up for work and do whatever it is they do.
For many years I would bid on large printing jobs and after I got the job I would figure out how to do it later. It always worked out. I provided a top class job at a good price, but I learned on the job with each print job I received. The customer was happy, I was happy.
I filled out forms for the PPP, the Paycheck Protection Program. I read that most people are having problems getting the loan. My bank, the one where I have had my business account for many years, Chase, turned me down right away — but I’m hoping it was just the system acting up, as no one had time to look over the form. Or did I check one wrong box that disqualified me? The government is guaranteeing this, is it Chase’s decision to make?
It should be an easy process — how many years have I been with the bank? How many accounts do I have with them? Have I ever been late or defaulted or been overdrawn, including my house mortgage? No? Never? Then give me the freaking loan.
I think I may know how to get to Chase Bank. A few years back I wrote a story in the Huffington Post about a bad experience I had with them. They saw it and I was hounded by Chase for months — they called me on my house and cell phones, they emailed me, they sent snail mail — concerned about the bad press. Maybe I should do that again. Hmmm.
I fear that those trillions of dollars are going into the wrong hands — going to people connected to the White House, people who don’t need it.
Originally published at tomversation.com on April 9, 2020.